Posted by: Catadromy | November 19, 2010

Coffee Names

I am a fan of Starbucks.  Not a fan so much of their frou-frou drinks, but I do love me a non-fat latte on occasion.  I even buy beans, which I have them grind for me, for use at home.  But when I want to treat myself, I’ll go out and have a non-fat latte, usually a grande.

What I don’t understand so much, though, is their predilection for asking your name so that they can write it on your cup.  My real name is uncommon enough so that I prefer not to give it out to every Tom, Dick and Barista who asks.  So I just say, ‘Susan’ when asked.  Even that gets twisted to ‘Suzen’, ‘Suzanne’, ‘Susie’ and other variations.  I am most definitely not a Susie.  Ask anyone who knows me.

One day, I was wandering in the neighborhood Hallmark store near my favorite Starbucks, when I ran into my friend Claudia.  I was clutching a grande cup with Susan written on it.  Of course, Claudia wanted to know what I was doing with a cup with someone else’s name on it.  So I explained my theory of coffee names (and I’m not the only one I know who does this) and then I said that I’ve always been tempted to tell the barista that my name is ‘Bitch’ just to see her reaction and to see if she’d actually write ‘Bitch’ on my cup.

After all, that’s what a lot of people call me.

Claudia and I were laughing so loudly that we were afraid the people in the Hallmark store were going to ask us to leave.  Those places are like church.



  1. Please stop taking my drinks. It forces me to stand on line for yet another 10 minutes while they whip up the replacement.

  2. Hahaha. It’s funny that you use my name. I use the name Sam because they NEVER get Susan right. They are all 20 year olds and in their world, Susan just doesn’t register. It’s gotta be Suzanne or Suzan…never Susan. I’d stick with Bitch or try Sam. They seem to be able to handle two consonants and one vowel. 🙂

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