Posted by: Catadromy | February 6, 2011

My Momma Done Tol’ Me (with apologies to Johnny Mercer)

My mother said a lot of things to me, most of it untrue, provincial or just plain annoying.  But she also gave me a lot of rather sage advice.  She’s been gone over three years and I miss her every day.

Herewith, some of my mother’s words to live by:

You should only speak good of the dead.  He’s dead.  Good.

Don’t spend other people’s money.  Meaning—don’t question what someone else does with their money or how they prioritize their spending.  If they’re not asking you for your money, then their spending is not your concern.

Just because someone asks you a question, doesn’t mean you owe them an answer.

Just because something can be done, doesn’t mean it should be done.

Why do you care what other people think?  Do they care what you think?  If you’re a good person, kind and considerate of others, that should be enough.

Vaseline cures everything.  Sore spot inside your nose?  Vaseline.  Chapped lips?  Vaseline.  Little bit of flaky skin on your arm?  Vaseline.  Minor burn?  Vaseline.  (One would think she owned stock in the company that makes it.  One would be wrong.)

Sweatpants are not appropriate to be worn outside of the house.  Ever.  Wearing sweatpants outside shows that you have completely given up.  You should especially not wear sweatpants if you are so fat that all of your rolls of fat will be accentuated and visible.


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